the funny side

Too much GTA spoiling NY & London cops

2007-11-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

Police have been doing a little too much of GTA on the streets. Especially the London cops who are only next to NY cops in playing real-life GTA.In the midst of a mass investigation for shooting a mentally challenged teen who was carrying a hairbrush (which was mistook for a gun), police have apologized for their actions and blamed their random shooting on "too much Grand Theft Auto."

Police say they had been playing the game for five straight hours everyday over the past few weeks. "We had the whole police force taking turns on our Playstation, trying to see who could get the most kills in a half hour," said one officer.

At around 9:00 that night, the police station received a frantic phone call from a woman stating that her mother was choking on her own dentures, to which the police responded "We'll be there in twenty minutes or so, just let us finish assassinating these rival gang leaders and then Diaz"

After finally finishing their round of the game "It took a particularly long time," said one officer, "There was one old woman who was particularly reluctant about letting me beat her to death" He smiled reminiscently, and his fellow officer said, "You got that bitch eventually, though," and they high-fived in a manly way. The officers then set out towards the building where the old woman was choking on her dentures.

Said one of the accused NYC Officer, "We were about half way there when we thought to ourselves, 'hey, what are we doing driving out to save some 90 year old woman who's not even HOT? ' We decided instead to go out for a little joyride," continued the officer, "So we started cruising around, talking about some of the whores we had shot in the game and were wondering whether we could catch Saw IV before dinner, when we saw this kid walking down the street, carrying a hairbrush."

"We thought, hell, why not play a little real-life Grand Theft Auto," said another officer, smiling reminiscently, "So we got out of the car and shot him GTA style. We shot him till the mags were out, so we could reload in GTA style."

After shooting the teen, witnesses report, the policemen looked over their heads excitedly, hoping to see "kill points" building up. Then, they got back in their car and drove off at reckless speeds, before crashing into a tree several blocks later. They then made the attempt to jack the car of a particularly obese man; unfortunately and rather surprisingly, however, the man actually fought back. The police beat him up with baseball bats and got into his car and drove off.

Before sending the three officers to serve their 4 week prison sentence, the judge in the court case complimented them on their fine kill, and made sure in his verdict that they would be placed in a cell where they could play the latest version of GTA. Paul P, a source, said that the officers were close to completing the previous version. The police chief said such arrangements would shortly be made in every police station so the cops could enhance their GTA skills.

Please read the real story here-- http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7093839.stm

PS-- I deeply mourn the death of the teenager caused by NYPD and that of the brazilian caused by London police.

All that you always wanted to know about a terrorist

2007-08-11T02:36:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCTION

A terrorist was actually a fictional character created by the American government in 1949 to help Russian schoolchildren cross the road safely. Terrorists came into life, turned out to be crazy, completely nuts, and acted as US supported nukes against the Soviet(for a while). Later (after watching the movie Frankenstein) they turned against the US. Still later, they turned against everyone else in the world including their wives, parents, and pet puppies.

DISAMBIGUATION

Terrorists are not to be confused with tourists. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

IDENTIFICATION

One can easily recognize them by their beard, “do-it-urself” suicide vest kit, the towel on their head, (which they use in emergency situations such as unavailability of toilet paper) and an AK47. Some say “one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter”. That’s completely true as long as the other man is a lameass terrorist himself.

Here are some ways to identify them at different places:

In the loo—If you find an unflushed potty or if you smell sweat mixed with ElPaso perfume, then be careful, there might be one around.

In the metro trains—If you find an abandoned piece of luggage, run for you life, don’t try to be a hero unless you work with the bomb squad.

In Hyderebad(India)—If you bump into a guy, beware.. there is a (very)small chance that he may not be a terrorist.

At the airport—Check the parking lot for something like this.

AIMS ACTIVITIES n HOBBIES

If you are scared, they already won, because the very essence of terrorism is creating terror. Activities and hobbies keep changing as randomly as the dollar-yen relation and the Fijian government, but mostly they are more or less as follows:

--Driving airplanes into buildings

--Digging burros near mountains

--Driving panzers into houses

--Forgetting suitcases in airports (u know what suitcases)

--Claiming responsibility for any explosion caused anywhere

--Shouting “JIHAD” (whatever the hell it may mean)

--Getting caught

--Committing suicide

PERSONAL TOUCH

Name: Terrorist

Father: Sam...( 'Uncle Sam' that is)

Mother: N.Korea

Birthplace: Afghanistan

Religion: Haha... u gotto be kidding

Sex: hardly once a year

Marital Status: married 14 times and still looking

Children: So many

Fidel Castro, InFidel America

2007-06-28T13:36:00.000-07:00

Fidel Castro is the most physically fit man on earth, with a life expectancy of 500 years, and the most politically fit man, with a tenure of "god-knows-how-many-more" years. When he was declared ill, and ceded power to his younger brother who is just 76 years old, a few months back, members of the American Optimists' Club, started popping champagne, and the CIA was probably all set for another "bay of pigs" attack, like back in the 60's when they went for power but all they could get was bacon.

Newspapers today, formally revealed the facts about the dossiers of the CIA, that pertain to the 1.5 zillion attempts made by the CIA to assassinate Castro, though the fact is well-known even to 6 year old Elian Gonzalez, and michaelJackson. At the risk of deviating from the topic, I'd like to mention that michael has been "seeing" Elian these days..(did I mention that elian's cute?, which is why the welsh rock band released the "baby elian" song).

Coming back to the topic(if at all u figure out what the topic is), why would america do such controversial covert stuff when its aware what sort of a blame it would get from the public, especially when such operations are done vicariously, the first time, using Cuban-exiles for the guerilla, and later using all sorts of people it could find, including cuban mafia guys, american gangsters, mobsters, bartenders, hair dressersand small time rappers, only to "dispose" them off later.

More of such american stuff released through the purported CIA dossiers reveal the handling of a KGB agent(probably james bond), by the CIA. A little premordially, we have the Abu Ghraib issue, where iraqi prisoners were treated with a scad of love and affection, and were given deferences such as "stripping them naked, peeing on their faces, and allowing play time with voracious german sheperds.... I bet u've seen those cctv pics.

Enough slander about InFidel America, coming back to Fidel Castro, he gradually recovered, and has ruined americans' hope of a little more bacon from the bay of pigs. He's living obscurely, but still rulin the country by proxy of his younger bro, Raul. Reports say Castro will rule this way for another 2 decades, then transfer power to (then)96 year old Raul, after which he's planning a south-american cross-continental motorcycle expedition, which would help him write the sequel to Che Guevara's "Motorcycle Diaries", which would be published along with another book, his debut fiction work named "Yeah! Cuba's democratic"

Freedom of speech Vs Blasphemy

2007-06-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah... Salman Rushdie was awarded Knighthood for his contribution to the society (no, not for getting married n times, but) for his work in literature (which aroused chaos among the islamists, who ironically left him alive, and killed several polyglots who were considering translating his work, and publishers who were considering publishing his work). However they dint stop there. His(rushdie's) effigies were burnt throughout asian islamic countries thus giving him loads of popularity through out the world, and hiking the effigies market to NASDAQ level. The iranian government released a FATWA (iranian word for fart), that he should be killed. This fart ... er... FATWA caused the complete isolation of iran from the business dealings with UK and some other european countries in the past decade.

After honoring him with the knighthood, representatives and leaders of several islamic countries reacted with utter abomination, giving pejorative statements as if they forgot they were formally representing a nation, while doing so. One pakistani minister stated that he supported the suicide-bombers in UK and encouraged future attacks unless the knighthood was recanted. Another leader was found saying "I urge all muslim nations to break diplomatic ties with London"...(as if London gives a rat's ass).

On the other hand, Rushdie must have had a hard time living in hiding for almost a decade after the fartwa, living an obscure life, coming into public very rarely, only for releasing his books, getting divorced, and getting re-married, and yeah for receiving the knighthood. His nth wife, and popular "tall n gorgeous" Indian pornstar Padmalakshmi must have felt really great about the honor thinkin "my man is a real Knight now". I assume she must have bent 2 feet down and kissed his head for his achievement.

Personally, I opinion that Rushdie is not a blasphemist, he's just an athiest (if at all the 2 words happen not to be synonyms). He dint write those 17 fateful lines of the quran, nor did he invent those so called satanic verses. He just interpreted them and percieved them in his own way and personal surmise. He just speaks about the referral of three non-islamic godesses, in the quran, which the islamic leaders allege to have been interpolated by "god-knows-who". I personally, donot see any blasphemy in this.

hola

2007-06-20T05:52:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Ive been considering entering the blogosphere since long. It's finally materialised now, and Im happy to have a little place for myself on the internet, where I can put forward all my opinions brashly, and still not get sued. (LOL)