Saturday, August 11, 2007

All that you always wanted to know about a terrorist

INTRODUCTION

A terrorist was actually a fictional character created by the American government in 1949 to help Russian schoolchildren cross the road safely. Terrorists came into life, turned out to be crazy, completely nuts, and acted as US supported nukes against the Soviet(for a while). Later (after watching the movie Frankenstein) they turned against the US. Still later, they turned against everyone else in the world including their wives, parents, and pet puppies.

DISAMBIGUATION

Terrorists are not to be confused with tourists. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

IDENTIFICATION

One can easily recognize them by their beard, “do-it-urself” suicide vest kit, the towel on their head, (which they use in emergency situations such as unavailability of toilet paper) and an AK47. Some say “one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter”. That’s completely true as long as the other man is a lameass terrorist himself.

Here are some ways to identify them at different places:

In the loo—If you find an unflushed potty or if you smell sweat mixed with ElPaso perfume, then be careful, there might be one around.

In the metro trains—If you find an abandoned piece of luggage, run for you life, don’t try to be a hero unless you work with the bomb squad.

In Hyderebad(India)—If you bump into a guy, beware.. there is a (very)small chance that he may not be a terrorist.

At the airport—Check the parking lot for something like this.

AIMS ACTIVITIES n HOBBIES

If you are scared, they already won, because the very essence of terrorism is creating terror. Activities and hobbies keep changing as randomly as the dollar-yen relation and the Fijian government, but mostly they are more or less as follows:

--Driving airplanes into buildings

--Digging burros near mountains

--Driving panzers into houses

--Forgetting suitcases in airports (u know what suitcases)

--Claiming responsibility for any explosion caused anywhere

--Shouting “JIHAD” (whatever the hell it may mean)

--Getting caught

--Committing suicide



PERSONAL TOUCH

Name: Terrorist

Father: Sam...( 'Uncle Sam' that is)

Mother: N.Korea

Birthplace: Afghanistan

Religion: Haha... u gotto be kidding

Sex: hardly once a year

Marital Status: married 14 times and still looking

Children: So many




posted by jack frost @ 2:36 AM 3 Comments